BAD CLICHES
Who knows a classic cliché or two? All that glitters is Gold. Read between the Lines. Kiss and Make Up. Catchy one liners most of us would have heard at some time in our lives. Sometimes we share them as funny memes, Inspirational memes, and sometimes we share them as well meaning encouragements to cheer someone up when they’re feeling down. But … some of these Cliches actually aren’t all that helpful … or even remotely true. Anyone heard of “Boys Don’t Cry?” Pretty Bad, but for me as a Psychologist I think the worst offender is “Time Heals all Wounds”. It’s not remotely helpful because it’s not remotely true – that’s why we have PTSD … and Depression … every Anxiety disorder in the DSM-5 … along with just about the rest of the DSM-5 (that’s our big book of Mental Health problems for anyone whose unfamiliar with it). Psychotherapy like CBT, ACT, EMDR (and many others) and Counsellors, Psychologists (like me!) & Psychiatrists help heal these kinds of wounds. So here we have an example of a bad Cliché about Mental Health.
But you know as Christians we can have some pretty bad Clichés too. So buckle up cuz these are some doozy’s!
- “Let Go and Let God” (What does that even mean??)
- “God will never give you more than you can Handle” (which he won’t … except for all the times when he will).
- “God Helps those who help themselves” (LITERALLY the exact opposite of the entire Gospel Message).
Or the absolute Worst Offenders: “Too Blessed too be Stressed” and a new awful one I stumbled across while travelling through the internet “Too Anointed to be Disappointed” (Yes it actually said that).
Now the problem with these particular Cliches (especially those last two), is they can reflect some negative and unhealthy attitudes towards emotional distress, Mental Health and suffering in general. These attitudes can also set up some unhealthy expectations about what we should experience during difficult times in our lives. Then when our reality inevitably fails to live up to these expectations this is when embarrassment and shame about Mental distress can set in; thinking we’re feeling a way we think we’re not supposed to. As a Psychologist (even a young one) I commonly seen people experience some kind of embarrassment or even shame about the emotional distress they experience – especially if that distress relates to thoughts of self-harm. So, one of the most important tasks Psych’s undertake early in someone’s counselling journey is to “Normalise” their emotional distress. Normalising is a process in Psychology where we help people understand how frequently different types of Mental Health distress occurs. This helps people understand how many others experience the emotional distress they’re experiencing, thus helping reduce some of the embarrassment and even shame that can exist when it comes to Mental Health issues.
And if we as a society can reduce negative stigmas about Mental Health, we can reduce embarrassment and shame about Mental Health. And if we can reduce this, we can help people talk about their Mental Health distress a lot more openly in our communities. And if we can talk more openly about Mental Health distress, we can help reduce the number of people hurting themselves in that distress. And as a Psychologist who is also a Christian, I believe that one of the best ways we as Christians can Normalise Mental Health in our Churches – and break down some negative stigmas we may have – is to look at the Bible. Here we can see the kinds of really deep distress and despair some of the Major heroes – faithful servants of God – experienced at times in their lives. So what I want to do now, is go through some events & stories in the Bible, and I want you to guess what these Characters said during some of the toughest times they experienced ….
THE REALITY LAID OUT IN THE BIBLE
Q1) In 1st Kings 19, Elijah’s just kicked the butt of the ancient false god Baal and his prophets. And the Queen of the land – Jezebel – is pretty peeved about this. So, she’s basically ordered his head served up on a silver platter to her. So, while literally on the run for his Life, which of these statements did Elijah say?
A) You know what, I’m just too blessed to be stressed right now!
B) #Let Go and Let God!
C) God helps those who help themselves
D) “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”
A: 1 Kings 19:3 – 4 (D)
Q2) David wrote a lot of things in his Psalms. Which of these statements isn’t in them?
A) How long must I … have sorrow in my Heart all day?
B) The Cords of Death encompassed me, the Torrents of destruction assailed me
C) How long oh Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
D) Do not be saddened my soul, for Time Healeth all thine Wounds
A: Both A and C are from Psalm 13, while B is from Psalm 18 (which we’ll look at a little later …).
Q3) Paul had some pretty tough times on one of his mission trips to ancient Asia (current day Turkey). We’re not sure exactly what happened but he sure made it known how he felt about it. How did he describe this experience?
A) God never once gave me more than I could Handle
B) I was just too blessed to be Stressed!
C) I was just too anointed to be Dissapointed! Or:
D) We were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.
A: See 2 Corinthians 1:8 (which we will in just a sec).
EVEN THE GREATEST EXPERIENCED GREAT DISTRESS
So what we can clearly see from these passages is that even the greatest heroes in the Bible – Faithful Men of God – experienced times of severe emotional distress. The distress they experienced was some serious stuff; more than a mere bad day or two (particularly in the case of David). And the kinds of feelings they experienced in these moments are the kinds of feelings we can have during Mental Health issues – even faithful Christians. This then is how I believe we best reduce negative attitudes, hurtful stigmas, and shame that Christians can experience about Mental Health in our Church communities. By looking at what even the greatest men of God in the Bible experienced, we can know that in our own lives, it’s most definitely okay if we’re not doing okay…because there were times in their lives when they most certainly weren’t. And of course there is no one in the Bible greater than Jesus Christ himself (Equal only to the Father and Holy Spirit…but the Trinity’s complicated … so ask Shelley for help lol). And yet here is just a little bit of what Jesus experienced on Earth:
- Jesus wept by the Tomb of Lazarus (John 11:30 – 35)
- In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus said to his disciples that his soul was “distressed and sorrowful to the point of death”, and felt so much distress he literally started sweating blood (Read the whole account of this story, Jesus experiences some really serious distress here! See: Matt 26:36 – 46, Luke 22: 39 – 46, Mark 14: 32 – 52).
- And of course let us not forget the words of Jesus on the Cross itself “Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani – My God My God why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:45 – 46; Mark 15:33 – 34, which is actually even a quote from one of the Psalms).
And so, after seeing just a little bit of what Jesus experienced we can read the following words from Hebrews 4:15 – 16 with great confidence “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
For all the things Jesus experienced and suffered “yet he was without sin”. This means Jesus is the perfect example for us to follow, to learn how we can faithfully navigate our own seasons of dark distress. In the depths of his darkest hour Jesus never lost Hope or Trust in the Father “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.” (Luke 22:42 – 43). And while Jess is the perfect example, we also see some great faith from Paul and David, even in the depths of their own anguish. And even though Elijah may have given up, God certainly hadn’t; He came right to his aid when all looked lost. So earlier we looked at some really heavy, distressed parts of the lives of these men. But now let’s complete those passages and find the light of hope that prevails even in the Darkest of Nights.
CLINGING TO HOPE IN THE HARDEST HOURS
Paul’s Hope: 2 Corinthians 1: 8 – 10
“For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.
David’s Hope: Psalm 18: 1 – 6
“I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of destruction assailed me; the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.”
And as for Elijah… crying out in the depths of his Distress, he encountered an Angle of the Lord that personally fed him (1Ki 19: 5 – 8) and later encountered God himself (1Ki 19: 9 – 18).
So here we can learn some key principles for our own darkest hours. We can:
- Fix our Focus on God; because we know we can trust Him to hear us
- Find our Strength in God; for his is far greater than our own, and He is always willing to share it generously with those who seek it (see also Isaiah 40:29 – 31).
- Find our Hope in the ultimate Future the Father has for us, just as Jesus did.
And when I say ultimate Future, I say this to encourage us to look beyond hoping for a good day or two, or even a good year on earth – as nice as these can be, times on Earth can change quite quickly. My 2019 personally sucked, big time. It had a few good moments but overall I could not wait for 2020…aaaaaaaaaand we all know how that played out. From there a lot of us then said good riddance to 2020 and couldn’t wait for 2021…and we all know how that’s been going. But See in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus looked beyond the bad times on earth that were ahead of him; his focus was on the ultimate Future of the Kingdom of Heaven.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1 – 2.
And so for us, particularly still in the middle of a Global Pandemic, still in the middle of so much uncertainty, it’s so important for us to set our hope beyond a few good days, weeks, months or two that come and go. We, like Jesus, set our eyes on the Future of the Kingdom of God – and that gives us the strength and the joy needed to endure the hardest days of this life. So no matter what emotions we experience, no matter how dark they may be, we can always, always rely on God and the future of His Kingdom. And in the days of waiting for His Kingdom to come in full, he is always waiting, ready and willing to hear the cries of our Heart.
IF YOU NEED HELP …
But you know God designed us to do this life with other humans as well as with him. And particularly in our Country God has blessed us with so many great humans working in various counselling services that we can also have a chat to. So what I want to land on is providing you with the numbers for some great services I provide to my own clients (I’ve also added the number for the LightCare Line as a specific Christian service). Because we have gotten really real in this message, and sometimes that brings up some really real stuff for people. So if this message has brought up any really strong emotions for you, or any particularly dark ones, please do not hesitate to pick up the phone and have a chat with one of these great services:
| To Talk with Someone Urgently: | For some longer term Help… |
| Kidshelpline (Ages 5 – 25) 1800 55 1800 (24/7) https://kidshelpline.com.au/ | Headspace (Ages 5 – 25) 03 9027 0100 https://headspace.org.au/ |
| Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7) https://www.lifeline.org.au/ | For Someone to Pray With You… |
| Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 (24/7) https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ | TheLight Careline 9583 2273 (9am – 11pm) |



